When someone we know or care about is depressed, it can be difficult to know what to say or do. Unless you've experienced a similar type of depression, it may be hard to relate to their situation. In addition, we're often uneasy to be in the presence of intense pain.
Should you try to lighten the mood somehow, pretend things aren't so bad for them, or provide advice? Probably not. The best things you can do as a friend is avoid making light of their experience, let go of trying to rescue them, and don't offer advice. Instead, just show them you care. Being present to their humanity, even while they suffer, demonstrates that they are worthy of your attention.
A depressed person may often want to be alone, but they don't necessarily want to be alone all of the time. Showing up, being present, and listening can let them know they haven't been abandoned. You probably won't be able to help the depressed person feel much better, but your caring attitude and a few heartfelt words of sincere acceptance can often help make their experience easier to handle.
1. Offer reassurance by saying, "I know you don't want to be feeling so miserable, but it's okay in my eyes that you are feeling this way."
2. I can't imagine how hard this is for you, but I can tell this is painful for you.
3. You may not feel like eating, but just in case, I bought a few groceries and cooked a few meals for you. I'll put the food in the fridge if you want it later.
4. It's good to see you. Do you want a hug?
5. I can tell you barely have enough energy to cope with the pain you are feeling. Do you mind if I take care of a few things for you? I'd like to change your kitty litter box and vacuum up some of their mess. I know you would do the same for me.
6. I don't need to be entertained. I'd like to just sit with you for awhile and read a book or watch television if that's okay?
7. I'm sorry you're in so much pain.
8. I brought you a sweater and some walking shoes. Care to come with me on a short walk into the woods. I'd like to share this great secluded spot by the creek where we can just sit for a little while.
9. I'm not sure what to say, but I want you to know that I care.
10. Would you like to go to a movie with me? I found three movies that might help take your mind off things for a little while.
When you're in doubt about what to say, think back to difficult times in your life. Remember what you most wanted from people, what was helpful, and what you wished them to do or say. Use your own experiences as a guide, trust your intuition, and just be a loving presence. Some things, like depression, can't be "fixed," but your love, light, and few kind words can ease your friend's pain.
You do not need to go through life exhausted, depressed, stressed, or overweight! Imagine waking up each morning with joy and positive energy that lasts throughout the day! Subscribe to our wonderful free weekly Loving Miracles newsletter at http://www.AnnetteColby.com
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